Zehavah Handler Therapy

The Seesaw: Finding Balance in Communication

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Imagine a seesaw: two people, one on each side, balancing carefully. In the middle is a crucial point of stability, where neither person tips too far in one direction. Now, picture these two people representing a couple in a relationship. If one person decides they want their way and the other moves to their side, trying to accommodate, the seesaw will tip, and both will fall. The same is true if the other person insists on their perspective, and their partner moves to their position. Balance is lost, and both partners fall.

But if both people walk toward each other—each making an effort to meet in the middle—the seesaw remains balanced. In relationships, this centre point represents mutual understanding, compromise, and effective communication.

The Tipping Point

In relationships, communication issues arise when one partner consistently takes a dominant position. If one person always gets their way, it might seem, on the surface, that they’re happy. But as their partner continuously moves toward them, sacrificing their own needs and desires, the relationship becomes unbalanced. This tipping of the seesaw creates frustration, resentment, and emotional distance.

The partner who gives in might feel unheard, unappreciated, or even taken advantage of. Over time, this can lead to disconnection or conflict, much like both people falling off the seesaw. The relationship suffers because it’s no longer an equal partnership—it’s a one-sided dynamic that can’t sustain itself.

The Danger of Both Standing Still

Conversely, if both partners stubbornly stay on their respective sides of the seesaw, unwilling to budge or compromise, they remain in a stalemate. Communication breaks down, and each person feels disconnected. In this case, while they may not “fall off,” the relationship stagnates, and no one moves forward.

Meeting in the Middle: The Key to Healthy Communication

The healthiest relationships are like the balanced seesaw: both partners walking toward the centre, seeking mutual understanding and compromise. This doesn’t mean giving up on your own needs or desires; it means recognizing the importance of your partner’s needs too.

Effective communication in a relationship requires active listening, empathy, and the willingness to compromise. It’s about finding common ground and making sure both people feel heard, valued, and respected. When couples meet in the middle, they create a foundation of trust and stability that keeps their relationship balanced and strong.

How to Walk Toward the Centre

  • Listen Without Judgment: Focus on understanding your partner’s perspective without jumping to conclusions or defending your own position immediately.
  • Express Your Needs Clearly: Be open and honest about what you need, but also be mindful of how you communicate those needs.
  • Practice Empathy: Try to see things from your partner’s point of view and acknowledge their feelings.
  • Negotiate and Compromise: Find solutions that work for both of you, even if it means making adjustments or sacrifices.

A balanced seesaw requires effort from both sides, and so does a healthy relationship. By meeting each other halfway, couples can maintain the harmony and connection that keeps their relationship steady. Just like a seesaw in perfect balance, relationships thrive when both partners work together toward a shared goal—staying centred in love, respect, and mutual support.

The Seesaw in Everyday Life

Life often feels like balancing on a seesaw. Not just in romantic relationships, but in friendships, family dynamics, work, and our approaches to challenges. Picture two people standing on opposite sides of a seesaw—each clinging to their perspective. When one person insists on seeing things in black and white—believing their way is the only right way—and the other tries to adjust to their rigid stance, the seesaw tilts. The result is the same: instability, frustration, and a sense of imbalance.

This analogy of the seesaw can help us understand how power struggles, rigid thinking, and inflexibility cause unnecessary conflict in various aspects of life. The solution, as it turns out, lies in the middle ground, in gentle approaches, in walking toward each other.

Black-and-White Thinking: The Cause of Imbalance

In relationships and many areas of life, black-and-white thinking often leads to imbalance. This kind of thinking reduces situations to extremes: right or wrong, success or failure, good or bad. When someone embraces this mindset, it can feel like they’re stuck on one side of the seesaw, refusing to acknowledge any alternative perspective or solution.

For example, in a friendship, if one person always views their opinions as the absolute truth while disregarding the other’s viewpoint, the friendship becomes unbalanced. This type of thinking is rigid and leaves no room for flexibility or compromise. It forces the other person to either accept the “right” way or walk away, leaving both sides feeling disconnected and misunderstood.

Whether in personal relationships or approaches to life’s challenges, black-and-white thinking makes it hard to maintain equilibrium. It creates a dynamic where one person exerts control or tries to dominate, while the other is left in a position of submission or defiance. The seesaw tips.

The Power Struggle: Why Everyone Loses

Power struggles arise when both people remain firm in their positions, each unwilling to move. In relationships, this manifests in constant arguments, battles for control, or attempts to “win” conversations. Whether it’s a couple arguing over who’s right, coworkers debating over decisions, or friends at odds over differing values—when neither side is willing to budge, the seesaw tips.

In these power struggles, neither party wins. Even if one person temporarily “gets their way,” the imbalance in the relationship creates tension, dissatisfaction, and distance. The emotional weight of always trying to be in control or always conceding to avoid conflict drains both sides. Both people ultimately fall off the seesaw, symbolizing the breakdown of trust, connection, and harmony.

A Gentle Approach for Balance

The key to balance, in life and relationships, lies in moving toward the centre. Rather than holding tightly to our side of the seesaw, we can choose a gentler approach—one where flexibility, compromise, and understanding create stability. Just as in a couple’s relationship, when both people walk toward each other, they find balance.

In life, a gentle approach means:

  • Avoiding extremes: Recognizing that most issues aren’t simply black or white. Life is full of nuance, and embracing that complexity allows for more thoughtful, considerate decisions.
  • Embracing compromise: Compromise isn’t about losing; it’s about finding solutions that respect everyone’s needs and perspectives. Moving toward the centre requires openness to others’ ideas and a willingness to adjust our own.
  • Letting go of control: Trying to control every situation leads to exhaustion and frustration. Allowing some flexibility, letting go of rigid expectations, and being open to change brings peace and stability.
  • Practicing empathy: Understanding others’ feelings and motivations helps us step away from conflict and closer to resolution. When we see things from another’s point of view, it’s easier to move toward balance.

Applying the Seesaw Analogy to Other Areas of Life

  • Friendships: In friendships, balance is key. A relationship where one friend always dominates conversations or decisions feels draining. Walking toward each other in friendship means listening, sharing equally, and respecting differences. It’s about mutual support, not power.
  • Workplace Dynamics: In the workplace, collaboration thrives when employees work toward the centre. Teams struggle when individuals dig their heels in, fighting for their ideas without considering alternatives. Walking toward the centre in a professional setting creates a more productive, innovative environment.
  • Personal Growth: Even within ourselves, we can experience this seesaw effect. When we’re overly critical of ourselves or rigid in our goals, we tilt toward imbalance. A more balanced approach to personal growth acknowledges progress, forgives setbacks, and embraces flexibility. Moving toward the centre means allowing ourselves grace and understanding as we navigate life’s challenges.

Finding Stability in Gentleness and Flexibility

In all areas of life, the seesaw represents the dynamic balance we must constantly navigate. Power struggles, black-and-white thinking, and rigid control tip the seesaw, creating imbalance, conflict, and dissatisfaction. But when we adopt a gentle approach—meeting others halfway, being open to compromise, and embracing empathy—we create stability.

The next time you find yourself in a disagreement, feeling stuck in a rigid mindset, or facing a power struggle, remember the seesaw. Ask yourself: Are you stuck on one side, demanding that things go your way? Or are you willing to take a few steps toward the centre, where balance, understanding, and growth can be found?

In relationships and in life, stability comes not from standing still or pushing others to your side, but from moving toward each other—one step at a time.

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